When I fail to make sense of my thoughts, I wonder if it is my own mind possessing such thoughts which are so uncharacteristic of me. It is as if somebody has hacked my mind and taken control of it. I feel what I don't want. I think what I don't want. But I just can't help. And I can't make sense.
It's a juggle of thoughts in my mind making me feel a thousand things. I am no more myself. I want to let go but I keep holding on. I want to forgive but I stay angry. All the calmness and my sanity removed from within me.
I can't even reason my thoughts and emotions. And I'm afraid not even scans, CT or PET, can give any answers. I am sick but you can't see, I can't figure and no one can cure.
What is wrong with me?